My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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