my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
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He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Randomize