it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize