You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize