my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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