Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize