Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize