Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
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Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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