If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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