i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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