Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
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If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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