awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
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How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
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i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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