I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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