Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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