i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
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He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
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It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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