If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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