I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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