you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
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Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
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You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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