I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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