you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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