there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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