either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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