So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
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We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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