if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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