i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
sick fucks of a feather flock together
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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