I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
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I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
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Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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