I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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