She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
did i walk over a car last night?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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