dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My first STD was from a foam party
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
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her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
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