Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize