Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
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Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
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Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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