shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
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20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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