I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
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why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
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I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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