I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
How external is "for external use only"?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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