dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize