I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
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How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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