i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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