I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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