Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize