Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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