there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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