Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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