im drinking this country out of the recession.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
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At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
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The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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