I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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