Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize