i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
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You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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