I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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