seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize