After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
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the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
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The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
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