Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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